Hold on to Your Handlebars

Get a grip on the trendiest theft in town

Over the past month we have witnessed a rash of handlebar thefts, where thieves have been undoing the bolts on the stem, cutting the cables, and yoinking the entire cockpit. What are they after? Your STIs:

disgraced sprinter Mario Cipollini showing you his STIs

Oh, if only they were there to take away our sexually transmitted infections - no, they’re after your Shimano Total Integration (STI) brifters. Brifter meaning Brake + Shifter. (Please note that the word ‘brifter’ is made up, and makes some mechanics bristle. I personally love a good portmanteau, so brifter is here to stay.)

They are not cheap, and thieves know what they are looking for:

WHEN, NOT IF

Items I have had stolen from my bike since living in London: 2 wheels, 2 Brooks saddles (good riddance, they were never comfortable anyway), a pump, 1 attempted saddle theft, 1 whole bike minus a saddle (left behind to taunt me)

My bike is not just a bike, it's a part of me. And so it hurts when something is stolen, especially when it's the entire bike (minus the saddle left behind to taunt me).

But I would argue that part of cycling in a big city means that something is going to get stolen at some point. It could be peripherals like your saddle or wheels, or the entire thing.

same, Scotty, same

How to hold on to your bike? 

I preface all of this advice with a caveat: if a thief really wants your bike, they will find a way to steal it. I have seen thieves angle grind entire bike frames in half to get to the bike they want.

Everything listed here is a deterrent, nothing is foolproof.

Here are some tips:

TECHNIQUE

• Your bike is to be only in one of 3 places: at home indoors, at work next to your desk, or under your butt. Don't lock your bike up anywhere, make sure it's with you at all times. WITH YOU, not within eyesight. (And even your bike being 'safe' at home is no guarantee)

• The Brompton is the most stolen bike because people fold it up and then forget about it. Keep it with you at all times. Someone should invent a Brompton leash. (I will accept royalties for this idea)

• Get a pub bike. This option is a not available to everyone, but a single speed beater is not going to be as attractive to thieves (oh wow hi here’s a book that shows you how to build one of your very own)

• Make your bike secretly good. I don't clean my bike frame. I just make sure that the brakes are tuned up, the pads have life left in them, and the chain is running smoothly and not stretched (I wrote about how to keep a happy chain here)

• Etch 'STOLEN' into your leather saddle to reduce its resale value (this has actually been proven to work as a deterrent)

• Put something gross on your bike like a (fresh! unused!) condom on the nose of the saddle. Imagine (fresh! unused!) tampons dangling from the handlebars - who’s gonna steal those now??? I really think this idea has legs… 🤔 someone please try this

LOCKS

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single person in possession of a good bike, must be in want of a lock.

Every type of lock is a deterrent

When it comes to buying a lock, consider this: how much would you pay to get your bike (or wheels or saddle) back? Doesn't make £60 sound that bad anymore, does it

• If you only have 1 lock, lock it through both the rear wheel and the frame (unless you have an expensive Son dynamo on the front wheel, in which case use 2 locks). Rear wheels are usually more expensive. Sheldon Brown's trick is to lock only the rear wheel through the rear triangle (very important to go thru the rear triangle!!!) the idea being that if someone tried to release your rear wheel, the lock would prevent it from coming out of the frame completely, thus securing your bike

note the lock going THRU the rear triangle of the frame: essential

• If you are paranoid, use 2 different types of heavy duty lock for your bike: a D-lock and a chain lock. This gets heavy though, so you will need to lug these around on your person, in a basket, a pannier, or on top of your rack. (Don’t dangle locks from your handlebars, that is a hazard and a half). I have seen a super heavy duty Kryptonite Fahgettaboudit lock crack an alloy frame while secured in its designated holder - beware of this lock but if you still need to use it, carry it on your person and not on the bike. This comparison website could be useful

• While longer D-locks can fit your frame and wheel, they can also be twisted open: the bike is picked up and twisted around the lock to try and pop the lock open. This often damages the frame to the point where it can’t be used anymore. A shorter D-lock is less likely to be used in this manner

• I have seen thieves cut through those cables that are meant to route through the front wheel or saddle. It is a deterrent but not a great one

meh.

• Pitlocks/Pinhead skewers for your wheels, seat post, stem bolt: these are small and expensive, but consider them a lock for each individual item. Problem is they could still undo the saddle clamp bolt or the faceplate bolt to steal your saddle / handlebars, but every little bit helps!

Pitlock

• We used to sell Hexlox, but then we received one too many panicked messages from people who couldn't get them out: the little magnet had corroded inside the skewer thanks to our moist salty climes. I suspect a thin coating of grease inside might prevent the corrosion, but they also require a delicate hand as the key is very very tiny, so if you are ham fisted, this option is not for you

• We also don't recommend the ball bearing + superglue trick. We recently had some bikes come into the workshop that had these on their stem / faceplate and because they had headset / fork issues, we had to get them off. Acetone wasn't enough, and it took some ingenuity on the part of mechanic Jamie + a vice grip to remove them

• I do wonder if you could try Blu Tack or slime to plug up hex bolts, or even add a ball bearing on top - anything that's going to deter a thief from easily accessing your stem's bolts and get them to move onto the next bike

• Another type of bolt to try is the security hex or security torx - these are found at hardware stores so you'll have to find the correct thread pitch and length of bolt for the one you are replacing. Your best bet is to take out the one you want and bring it to the shop for them to compare

• Pentagonal skewers - these are cheap, cheerful, and not that bad in my opinion! They require a special 5-sided key, it's still something that a thief could easily obtain if they knew what they were doing, but for the opportunist, there's a chance that they won't be carrying this and your bike parts will be safe. Decathlon sell these

• "Cafe" locks - basically a glorified zip tie. These are small, light, key or code activated locks that are purely for deterring opportunity theft in the countryside. Need to leave your bike outside a cafe in the shire? Use one of these locks from Hiplock. I would never recommend taking a massive D-lock on a day ride or a tour; that bike is going to be with you 99% of the time. However, there will be times where you'll need to nip into a lone petrol station, or leave your bike in a separate train carriage. Use one of these to prevent an opportunist from lifting your ride. However, I do not recommend these to be used in a city environ, or as a daily lock!

Do you have any other locking tips?

More importantly, would you hang tampons from your handlebars?

This was not a comprehensive list, and I know this wasn’t very conclusive or fun, but it is informational. The more you know, the better prepared you can be.

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BIKE BDS: UPDATED

I am pleased to say that both Maxxis Tyres and Hammerhead bike computers have confirmed they are no longer sponsoring the Israeli cycling team for the year of 2024. They have been removed and here is an updated Boycott list. Feel free to share these widely, and ask your local shops to not stock any of these items.

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THE BIKE WHISPERER

Next online class: The Bike Whisperer - what do all those sounds mean?

Date: Monday 29 April

Time: 730pm

A quiet bike is a happy bike! If you hear noises, your bike is trying to tell you something. But what is it saying?

Find out at our next online class, available to paying newsletter subscribers.

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As mentioned at the very beginning, we will be launching a Go Fund Me very soon to help us reopen the DIY Workshop.

There won’t be any rewards (except for warm fuzzy feelings), so if you want to help us out but would like something in return, you can sign up for a class! More dates have been posted for the rest of May.

I leave you with the latest Blindboy Podcast, which talks about why BDS is a valuable and powerful form of protest and change.

Bundle up, it’ll be warm soon…hopefully.

Ride on,
Jenni x

ps. please share this newsletter with a friend. The algorithms are not in our favour, so word of mouth means so very much to us 🙏